He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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