Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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