He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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