I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
