idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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