Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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