Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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