her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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