It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
