Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
