My entire life is one complicated drinking game
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
