She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
