My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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