if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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