We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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