I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
