I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
