Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
