So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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