Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
