We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
