I need help removing her.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
