I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
