I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
