I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
