i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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