As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
