It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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