i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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