On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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