You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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