Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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