my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
