Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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