It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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