i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she pinky promised me she was 18
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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