Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
PANTIES FOUND
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