How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
