i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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