I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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