1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
