so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
