mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize