Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
