I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
