In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
