No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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