i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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