I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
