It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
