I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
