just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
