i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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