can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
