His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
