i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
