does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
