I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
