My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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