I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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