I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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