Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
