I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize