I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
