Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
