i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
