Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
