You made me cry and you don't even care
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
