Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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