what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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