He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
