week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
