If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
