I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
