I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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